This dream is
from a middle-aged woman in San Diego, Lori, who married her girlfriend Barrie recently.
Background: Lori worked with a guy named Ray and met his
wife, Cyndi, after a few years. Cyndi is
a devout Christian. She has never said
anything overt, but Lori sensed that Cyndi didn’t approve of her gay lifestyle
choice. In fact, as close as Lori was to Ray, he
didn’t attend Lori’s wedding. Ray
himself is an open-minded, wonderful individual who always supported Lori at
work, and Lori was hurt that he didn’t attend.
Then she had this dream:
I had a dream that my wife, Barrie, and
I were headed to a company party after visiting with Ray, Cyndi and their baby.
Ray and the baby left, and Barrie and I
visited with Cyndi a little longer. We
invited her to join us at the company party. She said she'd love to come, but she'd prefer
to take the bus rather than riding with us. Barrie and I were confused, "But you have
to pay and buses always take longer". She replied, "At least I know I won't get
lost." I asked, "Are you
doubting that we can get you there?" She answered, "No, I just like to do
things my way." Barrie and I drove
away without her. After an hour, we
realized we were lost, but we had a great time exploring other things instead. We hung out by a lake, explored a forest, and
even ran on the beach. We knew the party
started at 8:00 pm , and it was already 10:00 pm , so we decided,
"Who cares? We didn't want to go anyway."
A company party
is a celebratory event among a community of people who have something in
common. The visit with Ray, Cyndi and
the baby suggests that Lori and her wife are comfortable seeing Ray and Cyndi
as social friends. There is, however,
something about Cyndi which Lori’s psyche is trying to reveal to Lori.
In this dream,
the “company party” is symbolic of the gay community. When Lori and Barrie invite Cyndi to join
them at the gathering, Cyndi accepts.
This suggests that Cyndi doesn’t reject gays, per se, because she is,
after all, willing to socialize with them.
Her issue about gays is that she’s unwilling to ride in their car with them. In other words, she’s unwilling to ride along
with their unique beliefs and lifestyle.
She is willing to accept the socially “correct” attitude which the
general population displays (riding the “bus”), but she refuses to go so far as
to believe what they believe, and fight with them for their human rights.
What’s great
about this dream is that Lori and Barrie are so comfortable with their chosen
lifestyle they easily accept Cyndi’s stance.
They don’t take it as a personal rejection. They don’t have time for that. They’re too busy enjoying their time
together. They share emotions (lake),
thoughts and beliefs (forest), and being “out” in the sun (beach). In fact, as gay women living their lives,
they’re not so much into gay “revolt” issues or gay “rights” celebrations
(i.e., company party), they’re just enjoying their love for each other. Period.
When I woke up from this dream, I was
angry because I realized that Ray is a prisoner in Cyndi’s world, restricted in
his choices because he loves his wife. I
was sad to acknowledge that because of Cyndi, I may have lost a special friend
forever. Because we no longer work
together, I may never see him again.
Sadly, when
forced to make a choice, a person must often choose to support his marital partner
rather than a good friend. Ray may be
doing the wise thing. If Cyndi’s
religious beliefs are so entrenched she isn’t comfortable straying from its
traditional tenets, Ray’s marriage to her could very well be compromised if he
stubbornly sided with pal Lori rather than his wife. If I were in Lori’s shoes, I personally
wouldn’t give up on my friend Ray. I
would understand and accept his limitations, and since Cyndi seems to be
Christian enough not to condemn gays outright, as long as he’s willing, I would
reach out to him occasionally and try to sustain our friendship.
No comments:
Post a Comment